Last week My husband and I tried taking our son and daughter to the doctors. I say tried because we didn't actually end up getting to see the Doctor that day.
I was dreading having to take him. Matthew has been a little more on edge lately than usual. Lyster (our doctors office on post) didn't have any appointments available so we went to a walk in clinic off post. After signing the kids in and sitting for a while I walked up and asked the front desk how long the wait was. She told me it could be an hour or MORE!
Matthew had already started running around and Steven and I were doing our best to keep him under control and watch Analise too. (all I can say is thank god Steven was able to come with me)
Every time I had to pick Matthew up and take him back to our seats he would scream and cry. I could tell the some of the others in the waiting room were getting irritated with us, and him.
I'd like to think that it's somewhat obvious that there is SOMETHING different about Matthew that people can see. That they can tell he's not just throwing tantrums because he's a "brat" or because he's undisciplined. The fact of the matter is, is that usually, they can't tell.. and there's always going to be somebody who says something under their breath, whispers about you to whoever they're with, or for some reason, thinks that it's okay to actually say something directly to you.
That day in the doctors office I ran into one of those people. As I was up at the front desk turning in some paperwork I had filled out for the kids to be seen, Matthew came running in and when Steven came to pick him up and take him back to our seats he started to cry and scream. A man walked in and said, "some body's having a bad day." then sat down next to a woman in the waiting room who replied, "somebody needs to get their little ass beat."
I felt my face turn red and the thought of ignoring her left my mind as quickly as it came. I turned around and snapped back at her, "Actually, no he doesn't, but thanks for the advice (sarcastically of course).. My son has autism." I turned around and walked back to my husband who was sitting with Matthew and our daughter Analise. I was trying to fight back the emotions that I was feeling and continue to sit and wait, but when Matthew continued to run around I couldn't just sit there anymore. I wanted to leave, and I could tell my husband did too.. So we got up and left Screaming child in one hand, car keys in the other.
On the way back to our house I couldn't help but think of all the things I wish I'd said. I wish I would have told her that i was going to beat her ass if she said one more word about my son, I wish I could have told her how ignorant she was or how rude it was in general for her to say anything like that loud enough for any parent to hear whether their child has autism or not. I think it's safe to say that I just felt as though what I did say wasn't at all sufficient. Never the less, I'm glad I said SOMETHING and I seriously hope she felt awful, and at the least, that she earned dirty looks from each and every other person in that waiting room.
I just wanted to use my story and this opportunity to share a poem with everyone and shed some light on the subject of Autism for those of you, like the woman in the waiting room, who aren't very educated on the subject. Maybe next time your sitting in a waiting room and a child starts to throw a tantrum, you'll think twice before judging them, and speaking your mind about them out loud.
Public Display of Autism
by Tina Moreland
If he falls to the floor, kicking and screaming, because there’s no chicken nuggets, it’s just his way of coping. Be patient, you’ll get your turn to order.
If she bumps her head and starts to hit herself in the face, don’t stare, it’s her frustration. Mom will handle it, she see’s it everyday.
If dad is cutting his child’s food, he’s not treating him like baby. He just doesn’t want his son to choke.
If she ignores your child on the playground, she’s not a brat. She’s just not good at social interaction. She would love to play with your child, she just doesn’t know how.
He may be to big to sit in the shopping cart, no, he’s not lazy. He wants to run around, but his mom needs to shop. She’s not up for chasing him today.
If she has to be carried out screaming, it’s probably because of a meltdown. Be helpful, open the door. Don’t just stare or whisper. No, it’s not because she didn’t get the toy she wanted. If it were only that simple.
Don’t talk to her like a child, unless she is one. Don’t yell, she’s not deaf. She may not talk, but she can understand.
No, it’s not bad parenting. Discipline won’t help.
This is autism, it’s his life. Don’t judge him, he’s not judging you.
http://www.autismepicenter.com/autism-poems.shtml
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